“I’ve suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened.”
Updated 2024
I’ve seen this quote in a couple of different forms, usually attributed to Mark Twain. One of the things that Google is awful at is getting to the root of who said what. However, the sentiment is what’s important here and that is that most of the things we worry about, never come to pass. I find this to be very true when discussing anything related to living or camping in a minivan.
There are a number of concerns that come up in the Facebook and Reddit groups and it always amazes me that not one of them has ever been a serious problem for me, or the other travelers I talk to. Some people just like to worry and unfortunately, fear has a way of spreading to other people (see 2020). If you are thinking about hitting the road for more than a few days, let me address some of the concerns I’ve heard, the solutions, and how often it’s REALLY an issue.
What if my van breaks down?
AAA roadside assistance. Enough said, but let me get into it anyway. AAA (or CAA if you are in Canada) is a great service that runs about $70 a year. Here’s what you get:
- Towing to a service station or dealership
- Gas delivery to your vehicle
- A Flat Tire changed (assuming your spare is good)
- Discounts on hotels, restaurants, and attractions
Although AAA is the most popular roadside assistance, most major insurance companies offer similar programs for about half the cost, though you will lose the discounts. Of course, to use AAA you will have to have cell phone coverage. If you are going to be way off-grid, a CB radio is something handy to have along.
All mechanical devices eventually fail and your vehicle is no exception. However, this isn’t the 1970s. ALL vehicles are much more reliable these days and a catastrophic failure or even something that leaves you stranded is not very common. Of course, this assumes you are setting off in something that is in good repair.
Number of times I’ve been stranded in 75,000 miles–Zero
Where do I poop?
This is the number one question everyone seems to have. I had the same question and equipped the Odyssey with an emergency composting bucket. In all my travels, it’s only been used a couple of times, mainly when parked in the desert at RTR. The reason it doesn’t get used more is that there are plenty of places to go when you are traveling. Rest areas, Walmarts, Lowe’s (usually very clean), gas stations and truck stops (the big chains are generally cleaner from my experience) and of course, McDonald’s. Even in the National Parks and Monuments, there are pit toilets in most places. Ditto for BLM and National Forest campgrounds. My personal favorite place to go (did I just say that?) is Buc-ees and if you don’t know what that is, you will if you go anywhere near Texas.
“Where do I pee” is actually a bigger concern. While you can usually time your number 2, number 1 often calls during the night (especially as you get older, guys). If you are using some type of composting or non-chemical toilet, you’ll want to keep the liquids away from the solids. No biggie, grab a jug or an emptied Gatorade bottle. I’ve used empty cat litter bottles because they have a wider opening. If you don’t have a cat, you’ll have to improvise, but (pro tip) a wider opening is a lot easier to find in the dark.
Recently I bought a dedicated water bottle that is tinted dark green. I can carry it into a place with a restroom to empty it, and no one is the wiser…
Most women will need a funnel and the Go Girl seems to get good reviews:
A side benefit is that you women can use these in a porta-potty or any other natty place where you don’t want to sit down.
Number of times I’ve exploded in a cloud of human waste–Zero
Where do I shower?
Where can’t you shower?? There are campgrounds, truck stops, health clubs, or you can bring a portable shower with you for boondocking. Health clubs usually require a membership, but truck stops are pay-as-you-go. Many laundromats also have showers. No kidding. Memorable ones were in Quartzsite, AZ and West Yellowstone.
For tips on truck stop showers, check out my article on how to shower at a truck stop.
Many campgrounds, especially in busy RV destinations, will let you come in to use the showers. You just need to remember to have some quarters with you.
I use 5-gallon buckets for water storage in the minivan.
You can get a USB rechargeable shower pump for $30-$40 and drop it in the bucket.
If you want warmer water, get the dark-colored buckets from Lowe’s and leave it in the sun.
Number of times I’ve stunk up a room–umm, maybe a couple of times….probably
I’ll freeze to death.
Second to the pooping concern, the one I hear most often is about keeping warm in a van. I wrote a post about that here, so I won’t get deep into it again, other than to say you’ll want a warm sleeping bag or a bag with another blanket on top. I’ve been out when it was under 20F and the biggest problem is the drafts that sneak in around your feet and shoulders. Wear a thermal top and heavy socks and you’ll sleep great!
You also won’t freeze to death in your sleep without waking up first. I think this fear stems from movies where people that are already freezing, fall asleep and die. However, that’s not the way it works. If you’ve ever slept next to a campfire or even experienced your furnace failing during the night, you know that you wake up when you get cold. If you are reasonably warm and well-nourished when you go to bed and a polar vortex sweeps through, you’ll wake up before you freeze. Start the van and warm up.
Number of times I’ve frozen to death–Zero
Of course, I’m mainly talking about voluntary van life here. If you are broke and living in a van because you have no other choice, life is going to be hard. It’s going to be hard if you AREN’T in a van too.
What if I get attacked by a crazed serial killer?
I’ve never understood the addition of the word “crazed” to this term. I mean, are there a lot of SANE serial killers out there?
Statistically, you are more likely to be killed in a car accident on your WAY to your campsite, than by a stranger in the woods. In fact, you are much more likely to be killed or raped at home, by someone you know. So statistically, you’ll be safer alone in the woods or desert (if that’s how statistics worked). I’ve met women who have been doing this for decades and have never had an issue. But statistics are cold comfort when you are actually alone in the dark. As someone with an overactive imagination, I’ve been creeped out on more than one occasion. In fact, I’ve written about the fear of camping alone (short version, you get used to it, but there are measures you can take to feel safer). I’ve added surround cameras to my van, so I understand paranoia very well. That said:
Number of times I’ve been attacked by a serial killer or rapist, crazed or otherwise–Zero (though to be fair, I don’t think middle-aged fat guys are high on the raping list).
What if it’s too hot (or too cold) or I get halfway across the country and discover I don’t like it?
No one is stopping you from spending a night or two at a hotel or motel. Of course, in some places (near national parks, in the desert, etc) you can’t find accommodations, but I’ve never been anywhere that was more than a part-day drive from a hotel or motel.
Don’t let your fear get the better of you
Be prepared, have a little cash and some debit (or credit, boo!) cards and get out there. The upside far outweighs the little things that go wrong….but mostly don’t.
–Darren at Odyssey Camper
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I like and use Passport America. A membership gets you 50% off of standard booking rates. One caveat, some campgrounds do not give a discount on busy weekends, so check when you book.